What's the funniest thing you heard in a movie theater?

My sister, a cousin, and I went to see “Love Story” in 1971 at a theater in Minneapolis. The movie starred Ali MacGraw and Ryan O’Neal.

Too many people heard her. Some guys behind us snickered at my sister’s remark.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Yeah, right!

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As the movie progressed, Ali’s character was diagnosed with cancer. It was sad; I understand that. But everyone in the packed theater— and I mean everyone—seemed to be crying. I was the only person sitting there like a rock, staring straight ahead.

My cousin didn’t want to go, but he had a car and could drive us to the theater.

Ali’s character called him "Preppy," if I remember right. He attended Harvard and she went to Radcliffe College.

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I almost giggled when the thunderous background music crashed down over some dramatic scene. The music was way too loud.

She glanced over at my dry eyes and loudly asked, “Why aren’t you crying?” I looked at her in surprise wondering why I wasn’t crying.

Finally, the music quieted down, and there was a 10-second lull. The only sounds I heard were people sniffing and sobbing around me. My sister was crying as well.

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I was surprised that I wasn’t able to shed a tear. I am an emotional sort of person, but that movie just didn’t do it for me.

The acting just wasn’t believable. Ali’s swearing seemed so rehearsed, and Ryan played the poor little rich boy who played hockey.

Someone in the audience (who wasn’t paying attention) asked where the movie took place. Being born in the Midwest, my cousin jokingly shouted, “Iowa!”

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That did it for me. I spat up my Coke and had to leave to clean up in the restroom.

I noticed heads bobbing and turning to look at the cold-hearted 16-year-old girl who didn’t cry. I lowered myself in the seat and tried to squeeze out a tear, but I couldn’t manage it.